My son has always been different and we love that about him. His boundless energy, enthusiasm and love of life is what makes him special to everyone he meets. However, being different has not made his life easier. In fact it has placed many obstacles in front of him that he will have to deal with his entire life. We deal with this fact every day and perhaps that is why sometimes it’s difficult to sit by and smile as people are telling me what I should and should not do with my son. Trust me I have heard it all:
“He’s just a spirited boy, leave him be.”
“He’s hyper because you let him watch too much T.V.”
“He doesn’t listen when you talk to him because you are too lenient on him.”
“If you didn’t feed him junk food and sugar he’d be ok.”
“If you were just stricter he wouldn’t be like this.”
“Get him on some drugs and he’ll be like all the other kids in his class.”
And my personal favorite, “There’s no such thing as ADHD, it’s just bad parenting.”
More than one person criticised me for trying to figure out what was going on with him. In their opinion he was ok, it’s society and the school system who has the problem and we shouldn’t adapt for them… ahh ok… but they forgot that we live in society and my son has to go to school. That and the fact that my son didn’t really like not being able to control his actions. He would feel bad about not being able to listen and come crying to me asking why he can’t stop himself from doing things when he knows he should. And not just little things, but things that put him in danger, like jumping off patios or moving out of the street when cars are approaching (both real examples). As a mother how could I get made at him for things I could clearly see were not in his control. Before some of you are getting all puffed up, yes I know some things are in his control and with making him away of his behaviors and teaching him things he can do instead are great helpers, and we did that, but it wasn’t enough.
While sitting with my sons grade 1 teacher being told yet again about my sons disruptive behavior in class, which was constantly his fault, she omitted the fact that the kids called him ‘dumb’ or ‘not smart’… that was just “kids being kids”. I realized if I wanted to really help him I had to stop listening to others and find my voice and speak it loudly. Everyone had an opinion about what I should or shouldn’t do, I had to learn and figure out for myself what did I believe? What fit with my son?
It was while I was thrashing around in a sea of voices that I found my voice.
