By a Mom Who Gets It
As a mom of a kids with ADHD, I’ve learned a lot over the years. When my son was younger, I couldn’t figure out why he seemed to struggle so much with focusing, at times he was literally climbing the walls! ADHD was behind a lot of his behavior that would get him in trouble at school, or cause him disorganization and chaos at home. From forgetting his backpack at school to being easily distracted during homework, it was frustrating for us both.
But after some trial and error, I discovered that a structured environment really made a difference. It didn’t fix everything, but it gave us both a much-needed sense of direction. Now as they are teens, I still find myself saying more often than I’d like “living in chaos just creates more chaos” – usually this is in reference to their rooms… can any of you moms of ADHD kids relate?
Here are some strategies that we found helped us along the way.
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Consistent Routines
The first step is setting up consistent routines. Kids with ADHD thrive when they know what’s coming next. For my son, having a clear schedule was like a safety net. It helped him understand what to expect throughout the day and gave him fewer chances to get sidetracked. Whether it was wake-up time, snack time, or bedtime, keeping things consistent helped him stay on track and reduced stress.
For younger children, having a simple morning and bedtime routine can set a calm tone for the day. When my kid were younger I drew them photos of each thing they had to do in the morning before school and they would take this with them each morning and go though each item. For kids who are medicated, this is a HUGE help in the morning when their medication hasn’t kicked in yet.
For older kids and teens, it’s important to include set times for schoolwork, extracurriculars, and self-care. You can even involve them in planning the schedule to give them a sense of control, although if they are like mine, they still prefer if mom is the one keeping them to the schedule.
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Visual Reminders
Visual reminders are a game changer. We use charts, calendars, and checklists to keep track of everything from homework to appointments. For example, my son has a color-coded chart for his daily tasks, and he loves checking things off as he completes them. It helps him stay organized and focused, and it gives him a sense of accomplishment.
For older kids (when mine were grades 6-8 or 9), creating a planner or calendar where they can write down their assignments and activities can make a world of difference. It also allows them to become more independent in managing their time. Now that mine are teens a shared family calendar on their phones is a great help. It took a LONG time to get them to remember it is there and to check it, but now that it’s part of their routine before they plan to do things, it’s much easier. And, the added bonus, they are in control of their schedule.
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Minimal Distractions
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that distractions are ADHD’s worst enemy. My son struggled to focus on his homework when there was any noise around—whether it was the TV or even just conversations in the next room. So, we created a quiet homework nook away from distractions and also played music in the background so those little noises weren’t full blown distractions. My son responded really well to classical music, but there’s tons of playlists on Spotify. I also tried to limit distractions during other tasks, like having a clutter-free space for eating or family time.
For teens, it can be helpful to limit phone usage or have designated tech-free zones to encourage focus. You might also consider investing in noise-canceling headphones if they’re working in a noisy environment.
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Positive Reinforcement
Kids with ADHD need positive reinforcement to stay motivated. I learned that small wins matter—whether it was completing a task or staying organized for a day. Celebrating even the smallest victories kept my kids motivated and gave them confidence to continue trying, even when things were hard.
In fact, kids and teens with ADHD often have a tendency to be more negative about themselves. They’re often harder on themselves when they fall short of expectations, and that can create a cycle of frustration. Positive reinforcement helps break that cycle. Celebrating their successes, no matter how small, boosts their self-esteem and helps them feel more capable. Over time, it can shift their mindset from one of self-doubt to one of “I can do this!”
For older children and teens, rewarding progress with something they love (like extra screen time or a fun outing) can help encourage them to stick to their routines. Also, making sure they know you notice their effort—not just the outcome—can have a long-lasting impact on their confidence and mindset.
What About My Bonus Kid… a.k.a. My Partner?
Sometimes, we forget that ADHD can affect adults too. If you suspect your partner might have undiagnosed ADHD, it can be helpful to have open conversations about the ways they may struggle with focus, organization, or time management. Offering support without judgment can go a long way. Perhaps creating a structured environment at home that works for both of you might help reduce tension and frustration.
Do People with ADHD Do Better in Structured Environments?
The short answer is yes. Having structure helps individuals with ADHD feel more grounded and gives them the tools to manage their time and responsibilities more effectively. While it doesn’t eliminate all the challenges, it definitely reduces the chaos and helps everyone stay on track.
Final Thoughts
Raising a child with ADHD isn’t easy, but with a little structure, life can become more manageable. Keep things simple, stay consistent, and remember to celebrate the small wins along the way. Every step forward is progress, and that’s what counts.
